Time, always an illusion, feels even more so now.

I read the news every week, and I am unsure that my governor wants to do a phased reopening of the state. People warn that the second wave of Spanish Flu was more dangerous than the first. That story keeps popping up.

Are we done with the first wave? It doesn’t feel like it, reading the news.

My gym sent a mass email letting everyone know that the governor gave them permission to reopen in May.

I managed to get off my ass this morning and shadow box — interval training. 3 minutes boxing with 1 minute rest, just like in the gym.

I pushed myself too hard since my exercise has been patchy. I huffed and I puffed and you know how sometimes you breathe so hard that you spit? That happened.

Do we remember the main way the virus travels?

Through respiratory droplets.

I thought before that I would ask them to freeze my subscription in May. I knew, this morning, that there would be absolutely no way I would step foot inside.

I am going through so much soap. A lot of places are sold out of soap. I suppose it means the rest of the world is doing their part, but a germaphobe on the best days, washing my hands until they crack and bleed because what if I missed a spot, this has been a doozy.

Handwashing loops, I call them. Was that 20 seconds? Was the water hot enough? Does soap lose effectiveness the longer it goes on? Maybe do a new pump 10 seconds in, 20 seconds in.

I get shower loops too. These are much more irrational and ten times more irritating.

I entered the living room clutching pasta — cheese, butter, garlic, shell noodles, and smelled one of my cat’s poop in the air. I glanced down at my food. Was it contaminated? Should I eat it? Should I throw it away? If I can smell the poop does that mean it’s in the air? You can’t decontaminate the air. You can’t scrub it with soap and lysol.

It took me about 5 minutes to convince myself to eat my pasta and that I was being irrational.

Those moments of intense irrationality regarding personal cleanliness happen more frequently now.

And yes, I eat pasta now. Regularly.

For context, I struggle with my weight. I axed pasta from my grocery lists long before I tried the keto diet. That was right around the time I axed bread and cereal. If I were in a restaurant and there wasn’t a good steak and tater option, I would order pasta but it wasn’t something I kept in the house.

I didn’t lose weight. I lost a little joy.

So what do you do in quarantine when the unknown is all around even though you’re surrounded by the walls of your house, grateful you still have a job but chafing nonetheless?

Well, I don’t know about you, but I eat pasta.